When I was young, I was doubtful of giving. Noises like “that person took advantage of you” or “that person is out there to cheat you” in my head. Somehow I still gave when I felt right but I was easily influenced by those negative comments. Immediately I felt bad when someone told me I was not supposed to give.
I did feel those comments were right when I saw those gifts that I have given out were not being appreciated. E.g. not eating the food that I gave or items chucked a side. Slowly I realised I was not sincere into giving, I expected a return or wish to gain recognition from giving. Unconsciously I was just pretending to be a kind person.
My feeling has changed lately. I feel “what is there to lose if I give?” I have gained so much joy in giving, thoughts that come to me are different compared to decade ago. I feel much lighter with words like “thank God I can help”, “I can give and I want to give more and often!!”
Yes, it took me so long to learn about this part of me and many people around me thought I was a generous person. Well, sorry, I was not! Now I find giving does help me to boost not only my mood but also my confident in being more capability to give!